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Tantalizing Tantric Teachings
by Debra Hyde
01/28/03
Tantric Sex
Suzie Hayman
Carlton Books,
2002
ISBN 1-84222-472-7
$20.00
My sister and I used to
play a favorite game whenever we went into a bookstore together.
We'd go to the sexuality section, look through the Kama Sutra-type
books, and play Is It Real? We'd rate whether the couples in the
book were actually doing tab-A-into-slot-B sex or simply simulating
the various obscure positions. My sister was more of an authority
than I, simply because her tastes skewed towards esoteric maneuvers
and she was pretty adept at flipping through the pages with an
on-the-fly assessment of "faking it, faking it, maybe, real, faking
it." My tastes skewed more towards Taschen books, so I deferred to
her expertise.
My sister's since moved to Florida and our
bookstore visits are now few and far between, but I was tempted to
play a solo version of our game when Carlton Book sent me a copy of
Suzie Hayman's book, Tantric Sex. However, a quick glance at
the contents stopped me dead in my tracks. While the book had three
different couples portraying various aspects of tantric lovemaking
throughout its pages, Hayman's how-to is a lot more than sexually
pleasing photographs for the curious.
Tantric sex, if you
didn't know, is sex's slow food answer to our usual harried diet of
fast food quickies. It operates on the premises that sex is to be
slowly savored, with women's multiple orgasms thickening the pot
until enough broth is bubbling away for the culminating male orgasm.
It's the stew of intimacy, flavored by the herbs of
eroticism.
Hayman's take on all things tantric guides readers
through a full (but not overwhelming) step-by-step introduction to
this sexual approach. She emphasizes sex as a positive, central part
of life and urges the curious to slow down and make sex last. She
presents the origins of tantric sex as the groundwork of integrated
eroticism -- sex that draws touch, smell, taste, and sight together
in sensation and sensuality. She covers such expected topics as
erotic chakras, various positions, and ritual scenarios to enhance
such experiences. (Who, I ask, wouldn't like sexual practices that
includes such earthy positions as congress of the elephants and
splitting the bamboo? Or want to explore oral sex when its
wonderfully labeled "mouth congress"?)
However, the real gems
in this book are many and varied. With an emphasis on beginner's
needs, Hayman insists on adopting a sex-positive outlook right off
the bat and it's particularly strong and best represented in gently
coaxing readers to self-explore, to discover how any part of the
body -- even those your mother claimed were gross -- can be an
erotic oasis, not to be feared. A close second place goes to body
acceptance messages, and once satisfied with one's solo discoveries,
Hayman encourages readers to share the findings, both in terms of
shared touch and mutual masturbation. The book also negotiates a
range of sexual topics ranging from such basics as the arousal cycle
to slightly more advanced matters like pleasurable pain, female
ejaculation, and whole-body and extended orgasms. Yet Hayman deftly
avoids being all things to all people, striking the right balance
between introducing the concept, validating it, and explaining it
without veering into Too Much Information. That's no mean
feat.
The book's couples are diverse in color, well-balanced
in presentation, yet selected for what I call "beginner's eye
candy." In other words, they're particularly attractive for people
just beginning to explore sexual alternatives and who probably
haven't developed a comfort zone with erotic how-to's. Their bodies
are nice to look at but not threateningly too beautiful. Likewise,
the practical walk-throughs in each chapter, while a tad repetitive,
are written so soothingly that the book really deserves audio
production. Hopefully, couples will read this book aloud to each
other. That's where the true joy of Hayman's prose lies.
I
can't say whether the book would pass our Is It Real? test, but once
I spent some time with its overall message of slow sex done
appreciatively, it really didn't matter. And next time I'm on top,
I’ve just got to try that Pair of Tongs thing.
This article previously appeared at the now-defunct Yes Portal website as part of its news and entertainment coverage.
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