Arts

Ouch! Tracy Quan's first piece of sex advice didn't go over well with women readers. There is an element of male priority in the whole "I want to get her off myself" thing, to which I'd like to ask the male perspective: If you suddenly lost your ability to ejaculate or lost half the length of your penis, wouldn't you want your lover sticking by you and mutually exploring and discovering new ways to enjoy sex together? I bet you would. For many women, a vibrator is a necessity, and maybe developing an accepting interest in sex toys would be a lot like her finding new ways to have sex with you if circumstances dictated it.

(P.S.: And don't say Viagra will help; Viagra won't help you if you can't ejaculate. Many men have various forms of sexual dysfunction that a pill can't yet help.)

Tug of War: It started with Erosblog and then Naked Loft Party noticing something Steve Gilliard said about male sexblogging. Now he feels compelled to answer at length. Good. Men are talking. It doesn't matter to me that they aren't agreeing; I'm simply glad they're blogtalking. I certainly appreciate Steve's opinion that he'd rather talk about sex with women than men -- presumably, on my part, within a relationship -- but my experience is that if people talk openly about sex in mixed company, the playing field of ideas becomes pretty evenly pretty quickly, largely because we appreciate each other's openness and eagerness. I have friends both local and long distance with whom I talk about sex routinely and it's a joy. Quite fun. I have one long-time male friend whom I lunch with and we spend 90% of our time talking about our sex lives. For me, throwing discretion to the wind opens up a whole new avenue of pleasure, one that doesn't take place between the sheets even though it focuses them.

Men can talk about sex -- or blog about it enjoyably -- without being pigs, but maybe I should pose this idea: Maybe the reason many don't is not solely because of public perception but because basic heterosexual attraction is inherent in how men respond to women writing about sex. It's not just the critical exmination, Steve; it's because you're attracted to women in the first place.

And there's nothing wrong with that, mind you.

Congrats, Ian and Alison: You got noticed! Or rather, your books did!

edited by debrahyde on 12/05/2003 at 02:52PM

edited by debrahyde on 12/06/2003 at 03:34PM

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edited by debrahyde on 12/06/2003 at 03:37PM

edited by debrahyde on 12/06/2003 at 05:58PM